based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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