The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
