i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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