just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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