Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
