someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
