Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
