He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
