You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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