she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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