Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
