where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
