Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Pants are for mortals
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
