dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
