apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
