Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
