we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
