Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
