I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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