I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think I sprained my soul last night
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
