Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
