so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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