i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
