I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
