I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i may or may not be watching the land before time
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Randomize
