Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
