it wasn't lemon gatorade
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
