maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
