all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
