so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
