my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
