he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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