Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
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