oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
