I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
