I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
