no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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