Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
