yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
