why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
