He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
