no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
