laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
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