I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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