i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
