Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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