Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
