I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
