dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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