she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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